How to Be Your Own Therapist, Heal Quickly, and Save Money

A 12-Step Practical Approach for Mental Wellness in Tough Times Based on Experience

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I also published this memoir on Medium

Photo by cottonbro studio from Pexels

What I Learned About Self-Therapy Through Positive Psychology

Dear subscribers, I trust this post finds you well and hope it might ease your pain and change your perspectives towards a positive mental state if you are feeling anxious and frustrated now.

Taking care of our mental health is not always about waiting for the perfect moment or professional help — it is about making intentional choices to support ourselves, especially when life becomes overwhelming. We can take charge of our well-being with the right mindset and simple steps that do not cost us a dime.

In this story, I propose not replacing formal therapy but empowering ourselves with a supplementary approach during challenging times when we don’t have access to a psychiatrist, psychologist, or psychotherapist.

When I needed urgent guidance but could not access formal therapy for various reasons, I leaned on self-therapy techniques, which I learned from my mentors and through an intense literature review in the mental health field. They became my lifeline, helping me recover quickly, maintain emotional balance, gain mental clarity, and prevent burnout.

Now, I want to share what I learned and what worked for me so you, too, can stabilize your emotions, gain mental clarity, and build resilience despite your challenges and setbacks.

Let me first highlight the importance of self-therapy. Not everyone has access to therapy due to cost, availability, or social stigma. Self-therapy offers an opportunity to reflect, grow, and cope effectively — no matter the barriers.

Once more, self-therapy is not a replacement for professional help, especially in critical situations, but it can be a daily self-care practice to support mental health proactively.

The key mechanism of self-therapy (from my research and experience) is taming the limbic system (emotional part of the brain) and activating the neocortex (thinking brain), which allows the body to heal naturally.

In this short yet comprehensive story, I will outline 12 actionable steps for self-therapy, drawn from my research and personal experience, to help you navigate life’s challenges, emotional well-being, and build resilience.

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1. Practice Intentional Self-Care

When life feels heavy, self-care is not indulgence; it is survival. We need to focus on activities that nurture our body, mind, and spirit.

Self-care can be as simple as eating nutritious meals, sleeping well, or spending time outdoors.

It can also mean reconnecting with joyous hobbies like gardening, reading, dancing, or listening to music.

Practical Tip: Create a self-care menu. List activities you enjoy and keep it handy for tough days. Choose one and commit to doing it without guilt.

2. Observe Your Thoughts and Feelings Without Judgment

The first step to healing is awareness. We need to pay attention to our thoughts and emotions, and instead of judging them, accept them as they are.

Stress can magnify our negative thoughts, but observing them helps reduce their power. For example, if you feel overwhelmed by responsibilities, acknowledging the feeling rather than fighting it can lead to better stress management.

Likewise, noticing patterns — such as catastrophizing or expecting the worst — can help you challenge these tendencies and develop a more balanced perspective.

Practical Tip: Allocate a few minutes daily to reflect on your thoughts and feelings. Ask yourself, What am I thinkng and feeling right now? Why am I thinking about it and why might I feel this way?

3. Challenge Negative Thoughts and Cognitive Distortions

Negative thoughts can distort reality and heighten distress. You can use cognitive restructuring to identify and challenge these patterns.

For instance, when you catch yourself thinking, I always fail, ask: Is this really true? What evidence do I have to support this? Shifting your perspective can significantly impact your mood and outlook.

As part of my research, I provided a comprehensive guide on cognitive distortions and cognitive biases.

Practical Tip: Write down a negative thought. Then, rewrite it in a balanced and constructive way.

4. Focus on What You Can Control

Life is unpredictable, but not everything is beyond your influence. We can direct our energy toward actions within our control rather than worrying about the uncontrollable.

For example, instead of stressing about a difficult situation, focus on small, actionable steps you can take to improve it.

Practical Tip: List two things you can control today and take action on them.

5. Cultivate Gratitude and Count Your Blessing

Even in dark times, we can find something to appreciate. Gratitude helps us shift our focus from what is missing to what we already have.

Being grateful and counting my blessings, no matter how small, makes me joyful, warms my heart, helps me wake up with purpose, and helps me sleep calmly.

Practical Tip: Each evening, write down three things you are grateful for, no matter how small. It could be a kind gesture, a good meal, or a moment of peace.

6. Love Yourself and Practice Self-Compassion